Hurl

For Mr. Jefferson
I saw the best minds in the class destroyed by Foxfield, overdressed, well-fed, wasted,
Who saw only the flask and the glass and were not aware that they came to see horses,
Who postponed papers for picnics, partying, then puking,
Who baked like sorry pink morsels in the sun,
Who drank in a sea of bourbon,
Driving themselves (under the influence) through the cavalier streets at dawn,
Who worship at the altar of Dave Matthews,
Who paraded around as a khaki clad army of imbeciles, too wealthy and wasted for their own good,
Who never saw a horse because they were too busy eying the jewels and fine linen their rich parents had bestowed on them,
Who sat on expensive SUV's bought with daddy's money and drank expensive liquor concoctions bought with daddy's money,
Who gasped as a policeman ushered them toward the fake ID bus,
Who fell off of a moving Grand Cherokee and needed seventeen stiches in his head,
Who assumed the cool temperature would not burn their faces,
Who ended their glory day dragged from a brother's car, unable to stand on their own, a blue solo cup dangling in hand,
Who now live in skin glowing with sunburn and screwdriver fumes,
Who drank themselves into such a stupor, all honesty and credibility ran from them and was replaced by brutish sexuality,
Who hopscotched on porta-johns in Laura Ashley dresses hiked above the knees,
Who experienced the sanitized muck of their bleached roots (enforcing Miracle Bra & Loafer Laws)
Though it was pre-churned, addiction-learned, Dave-Matthews-
Turned beer they tasted,
Who saw the stars of drunkenness and not the stars of the night,
Who used terrible pickup lines of: "Is your father a burglar? because he stole the stars from the sky and placed them in your eyes."
Who went sloshing through the races in Miracle Bras and khaki pants and baseball caps and straw hats -- all the pressure of all the years of striving to be the apple of Daddy's eye released in violent thrusts of Jack Daniels burning up through their throats, staining their shoes.
Who bumbled and stumbled as drunk as can be
But not too drunk to yell "More Gin & T!"
Ladies must learn to squat when they pee
Port-A-Pottie lines as far as can see.
I'm drunk, I'm drunk
Isn't this fun?
I'm drunk, I'm drunk
And getting some sun!
My dress was expensive
Like, how much was yours?
Dude, pop me a beer, let's do a shot
T & A heaven, look at that, isn't she hot?
A beautiful day,
If you can pay
For the little blue ticket, the plot and the beer
It's enough to make you very popular here.
By Shelly Hartsook, Gene Lemarr, Atul Gupta, Emily Greenspan, Melissa Chin, Emily Kane, Sierra Cook and many others.
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